James Thurber once said that it was “always better to know
some of the questions than to know all of the answers.” Yet, as humans we like
to know all of the answers. I personally will attest to the fact that I get
scared not having all of the answers or my life laid out right in front of me.
Then again, I wonder what good would that be? Would life be worth living then? So
just to get more complicated, all I did was answer my anxieties over not having
the answers with even more questions. However, there is always beauty to be
found in our inability to have all of the answers. One thing is for certain; if
we can ask the questions we are inevitably amused and intrigued by the stories
that come out of other people’s answers.
I
know I have talked about Mema before and luckily for me, I got to spend some
time with her over Easter holiday. While she shuffled the deck of her cards and
started to lay them out to play solitaire, I looked at her and just started
asking her questions. When did you and Papa get married? Do you remember the
day I was born? What was your favorite childhood memory? The list went on but
what I was noticing was that Mema did not have the answers either. Yet, this is
not because she simply did not know but because her mind was getting weaker and
her memory is beginning to fade. When she got frustrated with me asking her
questions, something inside of me clicked.
We
worry so much about not having the answers about our careers, our kids, or love
and other things so much so that we forget the answers to questions we already
do know. We can answer people about how many friends we have, how many camping
trips we took, and that time when Dad cried watching Titanic (do not let him
deny it). We are creatures of worry and constant insecurities about the answers
to questions that we do not know. But, why is it so hard to find comfort in the
life’s worth of answers to other questions that we already have?
Mema
is now having trouble maintaining those old answers and hell, she still has
questions herself too about old age and death. But, now she is finding herself
with just questions and losing touch with all of her answers. It can be scary
to see, especially as a grandchild. After talking with Mema, I took a longer
drive home to go past the places where I found a lot of answers in life thus
far. I visited my house on Cherokee Drive where I gained answers on
adolescence, the high school where I found the answers in education, and I
later hung out with my dog whose loyalty gives the reasoning to why our dogs are our best friends.
All
I can say is that I definitely agree with Mr. Thurber, it is good to have some
questions than to know all of the answers. Embrace the answers as they come,
and know that eventually they will even if they are not in your favor. More
importantly, when you do get the answers from experiences and memories, make
sure you hold them close always. We may loose touch with them some day and then
be left with nothing but questions as we age. Luckily, Mema knows the answers
to some of my questions still; it just takes time to squeeze them out of her
even if she claims she does not remember. Plus, she still knows how to give a
good answer, with a lot of humor and frankness. I am glad we all learned that
from her. Recognize that those questions do exist and let the answers to them
come as they may but most significantly, share all the answers about your life
that you already have. Your answers and stories may solve someone else’s
questions. Treasure the little things and keep questioning. Here is to a better
tomorrow.
-M
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